28 November 2008 @ 10:49 pm
Empty Glasses  
Title: Empty Glasses
Author: Lilith ([info]lilithilien)
Fandom & Characters: Alles Was Zählt, Roman
Word Count: 275 words
Rating: Gen
Disclaimer: If Roman and Deniz were mine, Roman wouldn't be nearly so miserable.
A/N: I'm not sure where this angsty little character study came from. It does try to rationalise, somewhat, Roman's turn to the dark side, and it refers to events in ep. 529. Because what else would you do when you run out of hope?



Roman has never been a glass-half-full kind of person. Or even a glass-half-empty, if truth be told. No, his glass is perpetually fractured, any optimism he might once have possessed slowly but surely seeping through unseen fissures.

But that hasn't made him a fatalist, far from it. He might lack Annette's bubbly insistence that he keep refilling his empty glass, or Jenny Steinkamp's entitlement, that assuredness that she needs no glass because the world will always pour her champagne. Still, knowing that luck would always side against him has always inspired Roman to put his all into nursing out those final drops.

That's why, when he first saw a boy loping toward him like a colt just learning to use its legs, his mouth watered with so much want that he forgot his glass could never stay full for long. He forgot it again during that too-short time that Deniz was his, when it felt like he'd be able to drink forever from Deniz's kisses, never running out, never thirsting again. He forgot it a third time as lies swam to the surface, words that filled his lungs and left him gasping for air, his guilt drowning him as he watched Deniz slip away.

He's on his way to Majorca now, to the beautiful beaches and even more beautiful people who laugh carelessly over bottomless glasses of champagne, but his presence lingers like a wisp of cappuccino foam on the edge of a saucer. And Roman is left standing with his coffee going cold, oversweetened and undrinkable, bitterness rising as his last drops of hope trickle away. He won't forget again.


**** The End ****
 
 
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쉘리 I whip my hair like Bang Bang: awz - andrew watches Roman[info]sdk on November 28th, 2008 10:45 pm (UTC)
Oh Roman! *snuggles him*

I love the analogies (am I using the right word? So brain dead over here!) that you made here with the glass half-empty vs. half-full and how Roman is neither. The fractured glass--it's such a perfect way to describe him in those terms.

And the third paragraph is just beautiful--I went to go quote from it, but I realized I'd be copying half your fic in the comments here, but that in particularly was just beautifully put. From the boy loping toward him like a colt just learning to use its legs (oh the imagery here!) to lies swam to the surface, words that filled his lungs and left him gasping for air, his guilt drowning him as he watched Deniz slip away. Guh--every word is perfect and heartbreaking.

*loves*
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Lilith: awz-slowly[info]lilithilien on November 28th, 2008 10:54 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I know, don't you just want to hold the poor woobie sometimes? Especially after Deniz snaps at him (and I don't blame Deniz at all, but giving them no time after to work things out ... I can really understand why Roman would lose it after that).

And yes, analogies, oh you poor dear, your mind must be completely gone after the day you've had! I hope you've got yourself a huge glass of wine now.
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Aldi: River is sad[info]aldiara on November 29th, 2008 12:38 am (UTC)
OMG Lil, this is so lovely and it hurts so much! *wibbles* How do you take something so trite as the "glass half full/ half empty" image and turn it into something to achingly poignant and painful? Argh!

I love the progression of forgetting once, twice, a third time, and the cold conclusion of the last line (while even as you read, you know he's probably deluding himself), and oh, what lovely, lovely imagery with a boy loping toward him like a colt just learning to use its legs (so spot on!), like he'd be able to drink forever from Deniz's kisses, never running out, never thirsting again (oh Roman!) and but his presence lingers like a wisp of cappuccino foam on the edge of a saucer (guh!)

As ever, I could happily quote the whole thing back at you and say "that's my favourite part" *loves fic* The whole mood, so stark and desolate and augh, I just want to hug him so badly.

You rock!
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Lilith: awz-slowly[info]lilithilien on November 29th, 2008 01:55 am (UTC)
I just want to hug him so badly.

I know, this was definitely my "Roman needs a hug" fic. I love his sharp sarcasm and pessimism, but it's such a thin veil and I just wish somebody, anybody, would recognise that!

I'm so glad that both you and Shelly liked that colt simile. That's what Deniz reminds me of every time I watch that scene, he's so gangly and *teenager*. I kinda hate that he lost that after that intro.

Thank you so much for your lovely comment, it's so much fun to write for you guys!
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